Sis, Your Friend(s) Might Be Fake

Fake friends don’t always show up with drama or disrespect. Sometimes they’re the ones with the biggest smiles and the prettiest compliments. But behind that smile is jealousy. Behind that “I’m just being real” is a dig. And behind that “I’ve got your back” is a knife waiting to be used when it’s convenient.

Here are the signs you need to stop ignoring:

They Only Call When They Need Something

They’re MIA when you’re going through it, but pop up fast when they need a ride, a favor, a vent session, or a cash app request. Suddenly, you’re their bestie again. But when it’s your turn to need something, they’re too busy or they hit you with guilt.

That’s not friendship. That’s someone using you for what you provide, not loving you for who you are.

They Throw Shade and Call It Honesty

Fake friends love to mask their hate as honesty. They might “joke” about how you dress, question your goals, or downplay your dreams. And when you call them out, they say they’re just being real. No, they’re being messy. Real friendship doesn’t come with jabs, sarcasm, or underhanded digs. If every comment feels like a slap wrapped in silk, it’s not love. It’s envy in disguise.

They Don’t Celebrate You

You got the new job. You launched the brand. You healed from that toxic relationship. And instead of celebrating you, they give you dry applause or change the subject back to themselves. A real friend is proud of you even when they’re going through their own stuff. A fake one gets quiet because your growth reminds them of where they’re stuck.

They Talk About Everyone Else

You notice how they talk about everybody behind their back. Every phone call turns into a roast session. Every group chat is full of gossip. And they keep telling other people’s business while maintaining some kind of relationship with them. Here’s the thing: if they are comfortable dragging others in front of you, best believe they’re dragging you in front of someone else.

They Gaslight You When You Set Boundaries

When you try to talk to them about something that hurt you, they flip the script. Suddenly, you’re the one being dramatic. You’re too sensitive. You’re making something out of nothing. Or worse, they turn the entire issue back on you to avoid accountability. Real friends listen, reflect, and grow. Fake ones dodge, deflect, and blame.

You Feel Tired Every Time You Talk to Them

Friendship should feel like home, not a chore. You shouldn’t have to prep yourself mentally just to answer the phone. If you leave every conversation feeling drained, anxious, or small, it’s not a vibe — it’s a red flag. Your body knows when something’s not right. That heaviness you feel around them isn’t in your head. It’s in your spirit.

They Don’t Respect Your Growth

You start healing, setting boundaries, speaking up for yourself, and suddenly, you’re the villain. They say you’ve changed. They say you’re different now. And they’re not wrong. You have changed. You’re growing, and they don’t like that they can’t control you anymore. A real friend evolves with you. A fake one punishes you for becoming your best self.

Why You Might Still Be Holding On

Letting go is hard. Maybe you’ve known them for years. Maybe they were there for you during some of your darkest times. Maybe they know things about you that no one else does. But just because someone was there during your struggle doesn’t mean they deserve to be there during your glow-up. Loyalty should not cost you your peace. Love should not come with conditions. And friendship should not hurt more than it heals.

What You Can Do About It

You don’t always have to make a dramatic exit; sometimes, a talk to gain some form of understanding will fix the issue. However, if it doesn’t, listen to your intuition.

You don’t owe anyone continued access to your spirit. You don’t have to explain your peace. You don’t have to stay in places that no longer feel like home.

Friendship should be soft, safe, supportive, and sacred; anything less is not worth keeping.

If your circle doesn’t feel like love, it’s okay to create a new one. If you’re always pouring and never being poured into, it’s time to walk away.

You deserve friends who root for you, hold you, and grow with you. The kind who speak your name with love even when you’re not in the room. The kind who show up when it’s inconvenient. The kind who never make you question whether or not you are loved.

And if you’re looking for a space full of women like that — real ones, grown ones, healing ones — you’re in the right place. Come sit with us. We talk about the things no one else wants to say, but we all need to hear.

Dangerous Red Flags in Lesbian Relationships: What to Watch Out For

In every kind of relationship, patterns of emotional manipulation and abuse can appear — and queer relationships are no exception. While there’s often a beautiful sense of intimacy and emotional depth between women who love women, this closeness can sometimes make it harder to spot unhealthy dynamics as they develop.

Here are some red flags to be aware of in lesbian relationships, especially when it comes to emotional manipulation and toxic cycles like love bombing and discarding.

🚩 Love Bombing

Love bombing can feel intoxicating at first. It might look like overwhelming affection, constant compliments, extravagant gestures, and big declarations of love — all within the first few weeks. You may hear things like, “I’ve never felt this way before,” or even talk of moving in or starting a future together very early on.

The danger lies in how this intense affection can cloud your judgment. It creates a false sense of safety and emotional depth. If the attention suddenly disappears when you assert boundaries or ask for space, it’s likely that the love wasn’t genuine — it was a way to gain control. Real love grows with time, not urgency.

🚩 Discarding

After the high of love bombing, the discard phase can feel like emotional whiplash. Your partner may suddenly withdraw, act cold, ghost you, or break up without explanation. What once felt like the deepest connection now feels like abandonment.

Discarding is a form of emotional manipulation meant to destabilize you. It keeps you second-guessing yourself and hungry for the validation that was once freely given. This cycle — intense connection followed by withdrawal — can be incredibly damaging to your sense of self-worth.

🚩 Boundary Pushing

In some relationships, especially intense ones, it can be easy to blur boundaries. But when your partner regularly pushes or disregards your boundaries, it becomes a serious red flag.

This might look like pressuring you into intimacy you’re not ready for, undermining your relationships with friends or family, or making you feel guilty for spending time apart. Healthy relationships respect your individuality and your need for space, rather than guilt-tripping you into compliance.

🚩 Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that causes you to doubt your own perceptions and feelings. Your partner might deny things they said or did, accuse you of being too sensitive, or blame you for problems in the relationship.

Over time, gaslighting erodes your trust in yourself. You might start questioning your memory, your emotions, or even your sanity. If you constantly feel like you’re the one who’s always wrong, it’s time to step back and reassess what’s really happening.

🚩 Emotional Dependency and Co-dependency

It’s common to feel emotionally close in lesbian relationships — that’s part of what makes them beautiful. But when that closeness turns into emotional dependency or co-dependency, things can become unhealthy.

This might show up as feeling responsible for your partner’s mental health, fearing what might happen if you take space, or feeling like the relationship is your entire identity. True intimacy involves supporting each other, not losing yourself in someone else’s emotions or struggles.

🚩 Controlling Behavior Disguised as Care

Sometimes control doesn’t look like control. It looks like a partner who “just cares” — who wants to know where you are, who you’re talking to, or what you’re doing at all times. It might come across as protectiveness, or them claiming to “just want what’s best for you.”

But real love doesn’t try to micromanage your life. It allows room for independence, different opinions, and personal growth. If your partner is making choices for you or constantly correcting how you live, it’s worth asking whether this is about love — or control.

Healthy love feels safe, supportive, and empowering. It allows you to be yourself — not someone constantly adapting to avoid conflict or abandonment. Trust your gut, honor your boundaries, and remember that real love never asks you to shrink.

If you'd like to join the in-depth conversations surrounding this and other topics that matter to women who love women, consider becoming a member to join our community. We’re building a space for connection, healing, and unapologetic truth — and there’s a place for you here.

If We All Claim to Want Something “Real,” Then Why Are We All Still Single?

Let’s be honest: most of us have whispered (or screamed) into the void, “I just want something real.” Real love. Real commitment. Real emotional safety. And yet, in the vibrant, diverse world of lesbian and queer relationships among women who love women (WLW), many of us are still swiping, still ghosting, still hoping—and still single.

So, what’s really good?

We Want Real, But Are We Ready for Real?

“Real” sounds good. But real also means:

• Consistency.

• Communication, even when it’s uncomfortable.

• Accountability and emotional maturity.

• Vulnerability (which can feel terrifying when you’ve been hurt before).

Some of us claim to want depth, but haven’t unlearned our coping mechanisms—like pushing people away the moment things get too close, or idealizing someone quickly and then checking out when they reveal they’re human. In queer relationships, this often shows up fast and intensely: U-Hauls one minute, emotional withdrawal the next.

Trauma Meets Trauma

Many queer women carry personal and generational wounds—from homophobia, rejection, family estrangement, and previous toxic dynamics. When those traumas go unhealed, they meet in our relationships like a match and gasoline.

You might be dealing with someone who’s never seen a healthy relationship modeled. Or maybe you’ve been the one who shuts down, dissociates, or lashes out when intimacy feels too raw. Real love can’t flourish in survival mode.

Hyper-Visibility Meets Hyper-Secrecy

Being queer can mean navigating two extremes at once:

• Feeling invisible in mainstream dating spaces.

• Feeling hyper-exposed in your local queer scene where everyone knows your ex, your situationship, or your business.

The result? A lot of caution. A lot of image management. A lot of starting and stopping. Sometimes we’d rather self-sabotage than risk being known and judged.

Hookup Culture vs. Emotional Hunger

There’s nothing wrong with casual sex—unless you’re craving connection and using sex as a placeholder. Many WLW express a desire for genuine partnership, but get stuck in cycles of surface-level situationships that never quite grow roots.

Part of the issue is access. Our community is smaller, and the dating pool even smaller when you factor in compatibility, readiness, location, and shared values. But the deeper issue is this: Are we showing up with the same intention we expect from others?

Emotional Intelligence Isn’t a Given

A lot of us are incredibly self-aware in theory—we can name our attachment style, reference our inner child, even talk about therapy. But that doesn’t always translate into action.

Are we emotionally available? Do we give grace? Do we communicate boundaries instead of ghosting? Do we take accountability when we’re wrong—or do we shut down and block?

Wanting something real means doing real work—on ourselves and in connection with others.

Community Pressure and Performative Love

In queer spaces, love can sometimes feel like a performance. We post the soft aesthetic pics, the “love wins” captions, the deep stares across brunch tables. But behind the scenes, it might be emotionally unavailable partners, unresolved conflicts, or a relationship built on vibes alone.

The pressure to “look happy” can make us stay in cycles that aren’t actually nurturing us—and prevent us from showing up authentically from the beginning.

So… What Now?

If we want something real, we have to:

• Be honest about our own readiness for healthy love.

• Unpack our dating patterns—without blaming them all on “the apps” or “the scene.”

• Normalize slow love. Sustainable love. Sometimes even boring love.

• Prioritize healing over hiding.

• Lead with emotional maturity—not just desire.

Being single isn't a failure—it can be a powerful space for self-reflection and recalibration. But if you’re always single while craving connection, it might be time to shift the question from “Where are all the good women?” to “How am I showing up when I meet one?”

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